The Perils of Dinner Parties Or, Everyone's Drunk
by DeathandJunkfood
Summary: Dinner parties are fun, right? They're what responsible, mature adults do. Our favourite Shadowhunters haven't quite grasped the concept. After a night of pillow forts, goldfish and flamenco dancing, who will be able to survive the terrible hangover that follows? Rated for excession consumption of alcohol. One-shot
**Disclaimer... I do not own TMI or any of the characters.**

Clary tried to take Magnus seriously. She really did. He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, one of the heroes of the Dark War, son of a Prince of Hell, and of course, the boyfriend of one of her closest friends. But when Magnus began to solemnly croon lullabies to Chairman Meow at three in the morning, it was too much. She burst out laughing, toppling sideways into Alec's lap.

Alec and Jace traded bemused glances above her head; it was a well-accepted fact around the inhabitants of the Institute that Clary was a terrible lightweight when it came to alcohol and Clary had drunk almost as much as Magnus, who was now balancing a bowl full of water and goldfish atop his spiky hair.

Alec hastily rescued the goldfish. Magnus had suggested inviting Jace and Izzy and their respective partners over for dinner, to celebrate Simon's break from the Academy. That was a grown-up thing to do, right? Have dinner parties? The idea of grown-up respectability was quickly thrown out the window when Jace produced a bottle of port.

Isabelle was mixing martinis cheerfully in the corner. Jace had built a pillow fort and retreated into it. Simon was attempting to cajole Jace to let him in, but Jace was staunchly refusing. Alec sighed. He wasn't exactly sober, but _he_ at least wasn't duelling his friends with a long peacock feather.

Clary started to giggle and Alec looked down at her, patting her head gently. She had become a sister to him, in the year after the Dark War.

"Alec" she whispered seriously. "Yeah?" he asked her, one eye on Magnus. The last time Magnus had become inebriated, he had proposed the purchase of an alpaca, whom he would train as his apprentice and later adopt as his son. After the warlock's meltdown when Alec had vetoed that plan, Alec thought it was a good idea to keep a close eye on him.

"I think" Clary said, struggling to articulate "that you and Magnus should get _married"_

Alec looked at the redhead. She was grinning, looking incredibly pleased with herself. She had managed to struggle to a seated position. "We can't get married as Shadowhunters, remember?" he asked her gently "the Clave won't allow it"

Clary's lip began to wobble and she looked tremendously sad. She was startled out of her sadness by an indignant squawk from Jace.

Alec looked over to see a pile of cushions and a pair of feet sticking out from under them. Simon it appeared, had grown weary of being denied access to the fort and had collapsed it upon Jace. Clary's eyes flew wide open and she made her way over to Jace.

"Are you ok?" she sounded worried as she excavated her boyfriend.

"You have made an enemy of me, sir!" Jace pointed accusingly at Simon "you have destroyed my dwelling, ruined my delightfully styled hair and have insulted our gracious host by making a mess. Pistols at dawn on the field of honour"

The whole speech was made rather less impressive, due to the fact that it was delivered from under a pile of blankets.

Alec gave a long suffering sigh. He was quickly becoming the only responsible adult in this equation, as Magnus came over and promptly collapsed in Alec's lap.

"Get off" he grumbled, poking at the warlock.

"I am weak" Magnus told him "and drunk. You must let me stay"

Alec sighed again.

Light. How dare light enter his apartment? The nerve. Magnus groaned, and attempted to grab a pillow to shield his eyes. He encountered only the cold, hard floor. Why was he on the floor? Had Alec kicked him out of bed? No, that didn't make any sense; it was _his_ bed after all.

His fingers encountered something soft. He tugged at it gently. Somebody made an annoyed noise.

Magnus removed his hand, and sat up slowly. He didn't feel like he was going to immediately vomit, so that was something.

They were all lying on the floor; Jace was near Magnus's feet, with Clary curled into a catlike circle under his arm. Salmon, or whatever his name was, was sprawled unattractively a pile of blankets. He appeared to be drooling. Isabelle was sleeping under the coffee table.

Alec was nowhere to be seen. Magnus struggled to his feet, almost tripping over Chairman Meow, who was wailing accusingly at him.

He made his way slowly to the bedroom, and his worry about Alec quickly evaporated. Alec was sitting up in bed, sipping a cup of tea serenely, while reading a book.

"You didn't even try to get me into bed!" Magnus started to wave his arms.

Alec contemplated him calmly "Well, I didn't want to take advantage" he said.

Magnus's eyes widened. "That is a poor excuse" he informed Alec. The Shadowhunter smiled sanctimoniously "you were also passed out drooling on the ground and I didn't have a particular urge to share a bed with a drooling warlock"

"The High Warlock of Brooklyn does not _drool_ " Magnus tried to sound indignant, but it took too much effort. He collapsed at Alec's blanket covered feet.

"Alec" he whined "I feel awful"

Alec sipped his tea.

Alec really was awfully cruel when it came to Magnus's wellbeing. Magnus wasn't like that. He was the model boyfriend. Why, just last week Alec had come down with a truly _terrible_ cold. Magnus had made him chicken noodle soup and lots of tea and had picked up and destroyed all the used tissues, with magic of course, but still, and he had read to Alec and talked to him to keep him entertained and had refused to let him go outside for a week. Alec really should learn from his example.

Maybe Alec had complained a bit, and had attempted to break out of the apartment too… He had almost got by Magnus, which was truly frightening. What if he had sneezed and gotten run over by a car? Thankfully The Chairman had alerted him to Alec's escape attempt, and Magnus had quickly gotten him back to bed. He was a _wonderful_ boyfriend.

Magnus tucked his feet under himself and curled up on the warm bed. It smelled like tea and sandalwood and fresh laundry. It smelled like Alec, but with the burnt sugar scent of magic that belonged to Magnus.

Alec poked him affectionately with his foot and Magnus smiled. Alec it seemed, had given up being judgy, for which Magnus was thankful. He hated Alec's judgy face. Plus, he needed Alec to find his stash of hangover potion, since Magnus had forgotten where he hid it.

Hangover potion could wait, though. Alec's hair was adorably rumpled and his eyes still hooded and sleepy. All that prevented Magnus from crawling up the bed and draping himself slowly over Alec was the thought of their guests in the next room. Guests. Damn.

With a regretful sigh he rolled off the bed.

"Where're you going?" Alec sounded faintly disappointed.

"To find hangover potion and make breakfast"

Alec awkwardly struggled out of bed. "I'll find the potion" he said "you handle breakfast"

Magnus was lit by a warm glow as Alec started to rummage through the closet. The division of labour was such a simple thing. I'll do this, you do that, it'll be faster. It was more than that though. The fact that you were able to work as a _team_. It had been a long time since Magnus was in love with someone he could also be partners with.

As Magnus passed through the living room, he prodded Simon. He seemed the safest option. Shadowhunters were liable to attempt to kill you if you woke them from a sound sleep. He'd accidently startled Alec once, while he was asleep, and in seconds found himself pulled close enough to kiss, with an icy knife biting into his throat. Alec had released him as if his skin burned his hands. After that, Magnus had woken him by tossing pillows at him from a safe distance.

Simon was a mundane though, so Magnus was fairly surprised to find himself flat on his back with his breath knocked out of him. "I see the Academy taught you _some_ things" Magnus said, fairly mildly considering he had just been assaulted.

"Oh my head" Simon moaned.

"Alec's trying to find some hangover potion. Just, err, don't move" Magnus patted Simon awkwardly with his foot and stumbled off to the kitchen.

Alec unearthed a large bottle of potion with a triumphant grin. Magnus colour coded his potions, and the cyan bottle always contained the potent brew that seemed to vanish hangovers in a second.

Magnus was in the kitchen busily making pancakes. Simon was sitting and cradling his head in his hands. Izzy, Jace and Clary were still asleep, and a rather evil grin crept over Alec's face. He gently set the glass bottle on the kitchen island, and tiptoed over to where Jace and Clary were curled together.

"GOOD MORNING" Alec shouted cheerfully, right next to Jace's ear.

His _parabatai_ startled awake, arm curling instinctively around Clary, who looked shell-shocked.

When he saw Alec cackling, he lunged towards him and began attempting to smother him with a pillow.

Magnus looking up from his pancake making endeavours to look at Clary who had curled into a ball.

"Biscuit, please stop your boyfriend from killing mine or I won't give you the hangover potion"

Without looking up, Clary picked up a pillow and hit Jace over the head with it. Alec quickly scrambled to his feet, and grabbed a pile of shot glasses from under the counter.

The potion was violently green and Jace regarded it with distaste as Alec handed him a glass. "Alec. I think it's a little early for shots"

"It's hangover potion, dumbass" Clary told him, downing hers with practised ease.

Jace dumped his down his throat and handed one to Simon. "Cheers" the other boy said weakly.

Somehow, Isabelle was still asleep, and Clary tiptoed over to her. Reaching down, she pinched Izzy's nose shut, and when she opened her mouth, tipped the liquid in.

Izzy jerked awake, sputtering furiously. Isabelle was the type of person who could spend the night on a hard floor in her clothes, wake up and shake the wrinkles out of her long silk sheath dress, twist her tangled hair into a bun and look like a super model. Clary was the type of person who could spend the night on a hard wood floor in her clothes, wake up and have morning breath that tasted like a monkey was living in her mouth and have Snuffleupagus hair.

"What was _that?_ " Izzy demanded, with a sour look on her lovely face.

"What did we all do last night?" Simon asked.

"Well, Jace built a pillow fort, Simon collapsed it and Jace challenged him to a duel. Magnus ate a raw goldfish because Chairman Meow apparently dared him to. Isabelle and Clary drank five martinis each in a row and danced the flamenco before passing out. I think that about covers it"

"What did _you_ do?" Jace grabbed a plate of pancakes and handed them to Clary.

"I took videos" Alec sounded alarmingly cheerful.

The whole room froze. Alec, in a fiendishly clever move, had backed up until he was standing in the doorway of his and Magnus's bedroom. With a grin, he leapt inside and slammed the door.

"He's suspiciously happy" Jace remarked, eyeing Magnus "you didn't put a charm on him or something, did you?"

Magnus shrugged modestly "just my natural charms" he gestured at his tall body, wrapped in a violently purple silk dressing gown "I mean, who could resist this?"

They ignored Magnus, and turned back to the problem at hand; Alec and his stash of videos.

They all tried various methods. Jace threatened to kick the door down. Magnus offered pancakes and his magnificent body. But it was Clary who got the door open.

"Alec" she said sweetly "I will draw nude portraits of you, hang them up all over the Institute, and tell your parents you commissioned them for Magnus's birthday"

Jace stared at her in a sort of fascinated terror.

The door opened and Alec handed over his phone, looking extremely sulky. Clary snatched it and deleted all the incriminating videos while Alec watched mournfully.

Magnus shook his head in a disappointed manner at Alec. "I'm afraid there shall be no pancakes for you"

 **I try to write a few thousand words a day, to keep in practise, so i decided to write this and i ended up actually liking it, so here you go! Please, please, please review.**


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